she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
