I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize