Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
