I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
