Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
