I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
