I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
