The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize