so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm