nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....