Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.