her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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