she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
