Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
