Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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