god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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