he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
