WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
