You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
