We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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