Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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