Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
