i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.