well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.