He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes