We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.