i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done