Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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