hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
