matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
