my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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