You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
