I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
