ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
