Are we in a gay sports bar?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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