There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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