After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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