Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
