Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
