if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
