Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize