the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
