is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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