I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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