if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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