Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize