I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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