It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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