Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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