I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
