you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
