In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
