96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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