OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
