So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
