Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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