i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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