Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he thought i was a dude.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
