If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize