i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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