when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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