He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
