i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
