I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
