If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
