So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
