I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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