Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
