why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
