I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
